The "parang kayo, pero hindi" stage. Others call it MU
or mutual
understanding. Pseudo-relationships. Pseudo-
boyfriends. Flings. Almost like
a relationship, but not quite. It is a phase where the
persons involved are
more than friends, but not quite lovers. Puwedeng
may verbal agreement,
puwedeng wala. One or both of you may have
admitted your feelings, possible
ding hindi. You just let your gestures do the talking for
you. Walang pormal
na ligawan na nangyari. Hindi kayo mag-dyowa. Pero
sa kilos niyo, sa mga
sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, pero hindi.

This kind of "relationship" can happen at different
stages for
different reasons. It can happen after a break-up. You
still love each
other, and you want to be with each other but you
broke up for a reason. And
for reasons that you alone know, ayaw niyo na muna
magkabalikan.

It can also happen before a relationship, iyong pareho
kayong
nakikiramdam. Possible din na ayaw niyo munang
mag-seryoso kaya
kunwa-kunwarian lang muna. Testing lang. Puwede
ring hindi puwedeng maging
kayo kasi isa sa inyo --usually the guy --may ka-
relasyon na. Kaya habang
hindi pa siya nakikipag-break doon sa girl (sabi niya
makikipag-break siya
soon pero di naman niya ginagawa), wala muna
kayong relasyon para nga naman
hindi siya nangagaliwa kasi "hindi naman kayo."

This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be fun.
Lalo na kung
naghahanap ka lang naman ng "kalaro." Pero huwag
ka lang mag-e-expect na may
patutunguhan kayo kasi wala talagang
kasiguraduhan.

So bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa ganitong set up
ganoong hindi
naman sigurado kung may patutunguhan?

Iba't ibang dahilan. Puwedeng for fun lang.
Puwedeng "buti na iyan
kesa w ala" or puwede na iyang "pantawid-gutom."
Meaning, habang wala pa
iyong the real thing, doon muna sa kunwa-kunwarian.

For those who are not in a serious relationship, they
would think
that pseudo-relationship is better than no relationship
at all. It would be
fun, if all you are after for is that "kilig" feeling.

Aminado naman ako na once upon a time, may mga
pseudo-relationships
din ako. No commitments involved. For the simplest
reason that they couldn't
commit, because they were either committed to
someone else, or that they
weren't ready to commit.

My rationalization, "okay na iyun, kesa wala."

Ang habol ko lang naman, iyong kilig feeling. Iyong
merong
nagtatanong kung kumusta araw ko. Iyong merong
ka-cuddle sa beach outing.
Iyong kapag tumunog ang cellphone, mapapangiti na
ako dahil alam kong galing
sa kanya ang message. Iyong merong laging
kasama. Habang wala pa ang the
real thing, puwede na itong pagtiyagaan.

But then I learned that although it was only a pseudo-
relationship,
the emotions were real. And usually, in this kind of set
up, ang babae lagi
ang lugi.

Una, you can't ask him to commit. Since it's not really
a
relationship, you can't demand commitment from
your partner. Ano ba kayo?
May K ka nga ba magpasundo ng hatinggabi? You will
always be uncertain about
your role in his life. You can't expect him to be always
there with you. And
if you feel jealous of the other girls, you just have to
keep it to
yourself. Ano ka ba niya para magselos?

Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in love with him?
You can't be
sure if he feels the same way. Baka nag-a-assume ka
lang na mahal ka rin
niya. Even if you are dying to tell him you love him,
you can't. Because
you're not sure if he'll like it. Baka mapahiya ka lang.
This stage will
always make you wonder where you are in the
relationship. Or if there is a
relationship at all.

Pangatlo, what if you become attached too much?
What if you have
invested all your emotions and this man hasn't? What
if you remain faithful
to him, not entertaining other guys, only to find out
that he is seeing
other girls?

Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships, it is
fleeting. When a
disagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold,
then that would be the
end of it. Unlike in a serious relationship, hindi mo
alam kung saan ka
lulugar sa isang pseudo-relationship. Wala kang
panghahawakan. Kasi sa
pseudo-relationship, there is no "us." Meron lang "you
and me," hindi "us."

Buti sana kung pseudo-pain din lang ang
mararanasan mo. Kaso, hindi
eh. Real pain. And usually, kahit tapos na ang pseudo-
relationship, hindi mo
maiwasan umasang one day, may karugtong pa rin
iyun. And you will be
miserable, hoping to bring back what you used to
have, only to find out
eventually that the guy is in another pseudo-
relationship with somebody
else. Ang hirap, ano? You agreed to this kind of set up
for fun and then
you'd end up hurting yourself in the process. Pero
puwede naman maiwasan ang
pain eh. Puwede naman na hindi mo muna isipin ang
future and just enjoy the
feeling, without thinking of the consequences.

But if you are certain that you are going to hurt
yourself in the
process, kailangan mo mamili. You can be happy and
live the moment without
worrying what would happen next. Or you can stop
settling with
pseudo-relationships and wait for the real thing.

When I was younger and in a pseudo-relationship with
an unavailable
guy, a friend told me, "Sige, kung ayaw mong
magpapigil, bahala ka.
Magpakasaya ka. Pero huwag kang iiyak-iyak
pagkatapos, dahil tatadyakan
kita."